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When Turkeys Attack!

Posted On behalf of Simien & Simien on Nov 27, 2013 in Personal Injury

Most people expect to encounter a Turkey this Thanksgiving—a delicious, traditional holiday bird carved up and served with their favorite sides, perhaps drizzled with gravy, nestled alongside a slice of honey-baked ham. Instead, some of us may be unfortunate enough to confront a turkey in a less pleasant fashion because these birds have a reputation for picking fights.

Scary fights.

Nasty fights.

Fights that have prompted the creation of nine new Medicare billing codes for turkey injuries; fights that make grown men run and scream in terror; fights that relegate professional reporters to hiding inside their vehicles as they wait for their feathered foe to lose interest in its human target.

The thought of a turkey attack may seem absurd to the casual observer, but tell that to the woman hiding in her SUV for fear of being pecked and clawed mercilessly. Chances are, if any of us were confronted by a 35-pound, razor-beaked adversary with a crazed look in its soulless little eyes, we’d be hiding, too.

The truth is a turkey can be a creepy, imposing enemy when it won’t stop following you around a parking lot…

…or when you’re two feet tall and taunting it with a bandana, matador-style…

And even dead turkeys can pose a threat. Nothing puts a damper on a Thanksgiving celebration like a giant, frozen bird engulfed in flames, but many attempts at deep fried turkeys devolve into that very scenario. In fact, fires from turkey preparation are so common that local fire departments are releasing tips on how not to burn your house down in pursuit of the perfect piece of fried poultry.

Things to keep in mind if you do decide to deep fry a turkey this year are, one, give the bird its required thawing time and, two, pre-measure the level of oil you will need to add to the fryer.

Experts warn against dropping a frozen turkey into a deep fryer. The moisture inside the bird will ignite and cause a giant fire to explode within seconds. By pre-measuring the amount of oil you’ll need (maybe with water the day before,) you can determine the amount of oil the turkey will displace once it’s in the fryer. Too many fires are caused by overflowing deep fryers, and this can easily be prevented with a little forethought.

The takeaway here is to respect your turkey this Thanksgiving. Don’t chase a live one or it may send you to the emergency room full of feathers and holes; don’t drown it in oil unless you want to lose your eyebrows and possibly the façade of your home.

More importantly, keep friends and family safe by passing on these tips and enjoy your holiday without any turkey trauma.